Thursday • May 17 • 2012

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Home » Soul Care » Make Time for Yourself Outside of Church

Make Time for Yourself Outside of Church

Beginning well with your family

Copyright © 2011 The Center for Youth Ministry Training

Intentional family time is important for your health and well-being, and as a by-product, it's important for the health of your ministry.

Take a "post-rush" vacation

This has become a staple with our family over the years. We used to try to fit in a vacation somewhere between summer mission trips, weekly programming, and beach retreats. I was rarely able to be fully present on these times away because I was always so worried about the next big youth trip that was swiftly approaching. The combination of a busy summer and wanting to be fully present made me totally reconsider a "summer vacation." About six years ago we decided to wait until after Labor Day to take our family vacation. Here is what we found:

1. It was cheaper! Much cheaper.
2. I was able to be fully present with my family and not worrying about a big mission trip or our upcoming Fall kickoff events.
3. Our usual vacation spot was much less crowded and thus less stressful.

Changing our vacation time seems like such a small thing but it provides a light at the end of my "summer tunnel" and allows me to really get away!

Be militant about family time

This is one of the most important aspects to beginning well with your family. I know that on Sunday morning I have to be at church for Sunday School at 9:15, at church at 10:30, and at Youth Worship that night at 6:00. I also know that at 7:00 a.m. on Wednesdays I have a breakfast small group I lead and a book study on Wednesday night at 6:15. These along with many other weekly meetings comprise, in part, my obligation to my church and my job. I would never think about blowing them off to go and just do something else; it would be unacceptable!

Too often I found myself being militant about work times and lackadaisical about the same time commitments to my family. Here's the bottom line: Your family is more important than your church or your job. Both your church and your job can survive without you; your family cannot. It's so important to show our families where they stand in our priorities, not just with our words but with our time commitments. I have found a couple of ways to do this.

1. Schedule your family time and stick to it like you do your church time.
2. Set clear boundaries with your students and their parents about when you are exclusively with your family. This is difficult at first but is healthy for your family. You will set a great example for your students and their families.

What Matters Most: When No is Better than Yes by Doug Fields is a book that was highly inspirational in thinking about matters of time and ministry. I always highly recommend it when talking to others about this topic.

Keep track of and take the comp time!

If I let it happen I would work for 15 hours straight on Wednesday. It's just the way my schedule works on that day, but it's not good for me or my family. I had to decide where I was going to regain some of this time for and with my family. Every Wednesday at 1:00 p.m. I come home for three hours. During these three hours I see my kids, my wife, and even catch a little nap that gets me ready for the long night ahead. These times are some of the most important in my week to be with my family.

It's also important to take plenty of comp time when you return from a weekend retreat or a week long mission trip. The formula I like to use is one and a half days for a weekend retreat and three days for a week-long mission trip. You need this time to recover physically and your family needs it emotionally. Whether you are paid by the hour or not this is an important part of setting boundaries for you and your family with your time. Talk with your senior pastor (or your supervisor) about the importance of comp time. You need to recharge in order to be a more effective youth minister.

Limit your nights away from home

One of the difficult things about the school year is that the majority of your time with students has to come after 4:00 p.m. This fact can wreak havoc on your nights and especially dinner time with your family. You cannot get away from the fact that in ministry you will spend some nights out and away from your family. You can, however, be very intentional about the frequency of these nights.

I know without a doubt that Sunday and Wednesday nights are going to be spent with my youth group. Those are set in stone! The things that can sneak up on you are the evening small groups, meetings, and just random times out with the students. One of my seminary professors told a class how to help control the sometimes out-of-control nights away. His advice was to pick a meeting night where anything extra would be planned. For me it's Tuesday night. I plan all small groups that I need to be at, meetings, and anything else for Tuesday nights. That means that Monday, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday nights are always free and sacred for my family. I've been doing this for several years and have found that with a few exceptions, this works wonderfully!

While there will be some exceptions to these general rules, it's important to keep them as exceptions and never let them become a norm. Finally, make sure to listen to your family. They are the best barometer to know how you're doing with your time management. Don't hear them as complaints but as checkpoints to make sure you're fulfilling your most important role as wife/husband, mother/father, and friend.

 

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Copyright © 2011 The Center for Youth Ministry Training.